For the past few days, probably more like the past week and a half, I've had some issues I've been sharing with my American friends here that have made living in Dublin less desirable. The more I speak with my American friends, the more I miss home. It didn't hit me until this weekend exactly what was happening, but it makes complete sense now. I should have known all along that I was going through the phases of culture shock.
Most of my American friends here showed up in Ireland about the same time, in June of 2011. We all settled in rather easily and have, for the most part, enjoyed our time traveling when we could and getting to know Dublin when we were here. We had our issues with establishing bank accounts, figuring out the water heating systems for our flats, adjusting to using the euro, etc, but nothing seemed to really phase us.
It wasn't until the last week or two that I've noticed a lot more complaining about things here in Dublin. I think it was exactly two weeks ago that a friend called and said she needed to vent...which I do often so I felt I should definitely be there for her. She was frustrated with a lot of things, but it seemed to me like the majority of her frustrations stemmed from being abroad and having to deal with issues or make decisions here..it wouldn't be as difficult a task if she were home.
This past weekend, I felt I HAD to get out of Dublin. Dublin was causing me to be in a funk and since we had a bank holiday on Monday, most of my friends were out of town anyway. I checked in with another American friend in Cork and made the decision to go down and stay with her and her husband. I got on the train Saturday morning and arrived just after lunch time. She picked me up from the train station and walked the short distance to her flat, which was huge by Irish standards. My flat would fit inside hers twice or more. I was shocked. By no means was the place extravagant, but just the interior space made me jealous! She and her husband also had a full size kitchen with a "full" size refrigerator (bigger than mine anyway). She had a pantry and a full size dish washer! She had two sofas and space for a rather large coffee table. She had a bedroom which was larger than my whole flat with full length mirrors (oh how I miss a mirror when I'm getting dressed). Her bathroom wasn't gigantic but served it's purpose AND you didn't have to heat the water! I was shocked, really, at just how large the place was and when I found out the rent, I was even more shocked. I think she told me they paid somewhere between 800 and 900 euro for the place, maybe just a bit more. I pay 575 euro for my shoebox so I was amazed and the cost difference between Dublin and Cork, although this has been another topic of discussion lately.
We headed out for a short walk through the town to get groceries and ended up back at her flat that afternoon to watch some American football. It's interesting to me because NEVER in my life have I really cared about football. I have done the tailgating and dressed the school colors, I've even gone in games and cheered on the teams, but I've never really paid much attention to what was going on. I knew when the ball had been fumbled, recovered or when we made a touchdown, but that was about the extent of my knowledge. I can't say I really care now but I will say that there is amazing comfort in watching American football with fellow Americans here in Ireland. It brings a huge smile on my face to be able to sit down in front of a game. I'll never really look at football the same way again. I think I've really learned about the comradery it creates.
Throughout the course of the day, my friend and her husband and I shared, with even more Americans we met out later, all the things we missed or the things we were aggravated by here. We did sound like a bunch of whining children at times, but it was nice to be able to share all that with people that understood. I think the biggest thing we discussed was the lack of efficiency. Nothing is done quickly here and when it is done, it's not completed with much effort. I think back to my microwave breaking when Mom was here in August. I think it took almost three weeks for my landlord to bring a new one.
Sunday morning came around and my friend made an amazing breakfast for us...pancakes on a griddle (I don't even have a whisk in my flat!), sausage and bacon, yogurt and fresh berries and coffee/tea (which of course is a staple within any Irish household). The best part was that she had syrup from America. She and her husband have been in Ireland longer than the rest of my friends and they brought a good deal with them when they moved over, but they've also had friends send things to them from home so they keep some goodies stored. When I left, I even got a handful of tootsie rolls and a snack size back of Cheez-its, an "American parting gift." I said that morning before heading back to Dublin that I missed home even more after staying with them. They are just a great couple and talented in so many ways; talking about all they did back in the states really made me miss being there.
As soon as I arrived back in Dublin I texted an American neighbor and friend and asked if he wanted to split a pizza so I picked one up on the way home and we sat in my tiny flat eating, and this time, he listened to me vent. He has said many times before "It's Ireland" when describing things that go wrong here. I felt bad for unloading my frustrations out on him, but I think we are all used to it, especially right now. That got me to thinking though. Why is it that all of a sudden we are all so miserable?
That's when it hit me, culture shock. Even though Ireland has been really rather easy to adjust to, we have all been in the first stage, the Honeymoon phase, the past few months. This phase, just as it sounds, is the easy part. It is when the excitement about being in a new place is enough to keep you motivated and let the little things not bother you so much. It's when the move to a new place seems romantic, but like all honeymoon phases, it ends. Wikipedia even says that it usually lasts about three months, give or take a little. Well, the end of June to the end of October is four months right? It's time for us to move on the the next phase.
This one is a bit more difficult. The next phase is the Negotiation phase. It's when all the differences between the old and new culture become apparant and it's in this phase that things really start to bother you. The excitement goes away and frustration and annoyance set in. Wikipedia even says that during this phase, people often suffer from insomnia. Is that why I keep waking up at 3 or 4 and never getting myself back to sleep? I was up from 3-9 this am and then after reading over half of a novel and completing it, fell back asleep, only to wake up at 2:30 pm! I'm lucky today was a bank holiday and I had the luxery of doing so. All those annoyances must have been on my mind and keeping me awake though, as they have been. Why do I have to wait 30 minutes before I have warm water to shower? Why does a jar of American peanut butter cost 6 euro and a pint of beer cost the same? Why do I have to live in a tiny little shoebox but pay a fortune for it? Why do they not have dryers here? Why don't the buses come on time? Why can't I find Bisquick? Why are eggs not refrigerated? Why is baking soda called soda bicarbonate? Why is cilantro called corriander? Why can't things be easy? Why is the quality of life so different? My neighbor's response of course would be, "It's Ireland." It's not that it's Ireland though, it's just that it's different. It's just not America.
Lucky for all of us, this too shall pass. Our frustrations will give way to the next phase, the Adjustment phase. It's in the adjustment phase, which takes place after 6-12 months of being in a new place, that one "grows accustomed to the new culture." You get used to the way things are done in the new culture and what to expect in many situations. It should be much less aggravating when things go differntly than they would back home. The new culture begins to make sense, even though you never thought it would.
Finally, the last phase of culture shock sets in, the Mastery Stage. Many people aren't in a new culture long enough to experience it, but this is when you finally feel comfortable in the new culture. You may still do things the way you would have back home, but you are more comfortable in the new culture. It is often referred to as the "Biculturalism phase" for this reason.
One thing I remember from when my good friend moved to DC for a few years was how she acted when she came back to Charleston, and I know that this will happen to all of us when we go home if we stay away long enough. After you've become comfortable in the new culture and you move back to wherever it was you came from to start with, you often deal with reverse culture shock. In the same way that you went through the four stages abroad, you'll have difficulties adjusting to the way of life back home. This is not something I look forward to as I know it can be quite difficult, but despite all the hardships I have faced or will face, I am happy that I'm going home for Christmas in exactly 49 days! I just hope I'll be able to muster up the strength to return to Europe after the new year , and when that time comes, that I'll have a new, more positive outlook!
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