Parenting 101

You might read that title and ask yourself "What is Hannah doing writing about parenting; she doesn't have any children."  You are absolutely right too.  I've got no kids, but I have helped, in some small way, to raise quite a few. 

I began babysitting when I was ten, and yes, that means I've got 20 years of experience in the "field."  I went to school to become an educator and thus taught, raising my experience level even more, for another 7 years.  I've done diaper duty to prom preparation and everything in between.  I've kept kids who have already graduated college for goodness sake...and are quite likely to marry and have kids before me!!  In this time, I've not been a parent, but I've certainly had some of the responsibilities of one and I think it's been fantastic preparation for what will one day, hopefully, be the chance to put all that I've learned into practice with my own darling children. 

Last week, I wrote on my personal Facebook page and Gia's page about kids' chores.  I was curious if kids in Italy were required to do less than kids in the states and if that's a cultural thing or not.  I had a friend comment on all the tasks her four year old daughter (in SC) does to help build responsibility.  I didn't get paid for chores growing up, but there were certain things around the house that I was required to do, and I don't think I complained too much about it (I'll check with Mom on this).  I believe it is important to teach kids to be responsible from an early age because it carries over into adulthood. 

Here is a list of some of the things the children here in Italy, in this family, DON'T do. 

Girl (11)                           Boy (15)
Put away pjs                     Put away pjs (he actually leaves them on the sofa each morning)
                                         Put away dishes (leaves them unless I ask)
                                         Flush the toilet...quite often, he "forgets"
Make bed                         Make bed
Put away wet towels         Put away wet towels
                                         Put lid on toothpaste when finished

To my knowledge, there are no "requirements" in this household of things the children must do.  They will, with reluctance, do things if asked. 

Along with the lack of responsibility, the children, in my humble opinion, are learning no respect for elders.  At first, I thought it was a "lost in translation thing," but I'm becoming more and more familiar with their tone with their parents and I can see it's not about the language.  For example, the 15 year old has all to often addressed me in a tone which quite frankly, wouldn't fly at home.  "Hannah, you need to cook the pasta more."  "Hannah, buy the pesto from Essalunga."  Now, I let it slide a few times, but after a while, I politely reminded the child that there is a right way and a wrong way to ask for something.  He will not tell me what to do.  If he'd like something, he can simply put it in the form of a question and add a please!  "Hannah, would you please buy the pesto from..." will go a lot farther than the latter. 

Two weeks ago, on the mother's birthday, we all went to the mountains together.  The mother came downstairs in tears because she was upset with her daughter and she didn't know what to do.  The child was so difficult.  It was hard for me because I was there when the daughter pitched a fit about her ski bib not fitting and refused to ski with her mother.  We (the mom, son and I) went on without the daughter but it was a miserable day as "Mom" was upset from it all. 

Last night, the 15 year old came home from a tennis tournament which required him to miss school on Wednesday.  He and his mother got into a screaming match for over an hour about how he didn't want to go to school on Thursday.  I thought the mother would win when I heard her telling him, in Italian "be more responsible."  To my great disappointment, he's home today.  Yes, he woke up at a nice 9 am and went straight to the TV.  Again, this wouldn't fly.  I asked him why he was home, he told me it was because he didn't have an assignment that was due today, and he went back to watching TV.  AGH!

I do realize that I've only been here two months and I don't know the entire situation since I can't understand all of the language, but I do know from observation that something is off in this household.  I can't come right out and say the family is doing things wrong because there is a lot they do well.  When they are all happy, it's a pleasant place to be.  They get along great and crack jokes.   The children say their please and thank yous (to me) and are polite the majority of the time.  When they are arguing though, it's a different story. 

I try not to look at parents and judge because you never know what another person is thinking or doing, but living in Italy has given me a true behind the scenes look at the way this family ticks. It's also made me really grateful for the amazing parents I had growing up, and instilled in me values I hope to pass along to my own kids one day.